Tuesday Ten

This week: obsessions.

I was having a little trouble coming up with one last item on my Tuesday Ten list (actually I had thought of ten but forgot them all so I was writing them down this time) so I asked my husband, "What do I obsess about?"

Him (looking at me like I have lost my marbles): You are kidding, right?

Me: No, what things do I obsess over?

Him: Cleaning.

Me: No, I got that one.

Him: Well, there are so many. You are a pretty obsessive person so whatever your little mind gets a hold of you obsess about.

He really said that. So many. My little mind. Anything. Obsess. I can't stop thinking about it. What could it mean? Do other people notice? Is it bad to obsess over things? I mean, it isn't like I am showering 50 times a day or going back in the house 10 times to make sure I turned the iron off. I am going to try not to be offended about his comment. Really.

So, even though there is apparently an endless list of things I obsess over, here is what I came up with.

Ten Things I Can't Seem To Get Off My Mind

1. My weight. Do I look fat? Do I look as fat or thin as that person? Are these pants too tight? Is my butt getting bigger? I know the scale says 112, but I don't feel 112. I feel 150. I try to believe my husband when he says I look perfect, but I can't help wondering if he would say that if I weighed more than I do. I look at pictures and wonder if I really look like that or is it the camera adds ten pounds factor. Unfortunately all this wondering takes up a lot of my thinking time.

2. Food. This goes along with number 1. What can I eat? When can I eat? If I eat this now, that means I can't have anything later. No eating in the evening unless I skip lunch. I have breakfast in the morning (cereal with milk), and lunch in the afternoon after the kids have eaten lunch and little ones are down for their nap. Then I have my bagel and whatever else. I am very careful with how much I eat so I won't gain any weight, but I am not careful about what I eat. So I don't eat very healthy most of the time. I love to eat, but if I eat too much I will get fat. This also consumes a lot of thinking time.

Note: I am starting to wonder if this was a good idea to pick this for a TT. Are the people I know that read this going to be shocked? Look at me funny the next time I see them? Even worse, not be surprised at all about what a basket case I am? I am trying not to worry about it. Love me.

3. Cooking dinner. Or rather, I obsess over how much I HATE cooking dinner. And how much I hate THINKING about what to cook for dinner. It doesn't help that I have to cook for a small army and if I cook anything that doesn't involve noodles or pizza they threaten to stage a mutiny. Fine by me, I say. YOU cook dinner. They don't. They used to not be picky. I have NO IDEA what happened. Actually, they still aren't picky, they are just opinionated. And they aren't shy about it either.

4. Housekeeping. I know, but I have a really good reason for obsessing over my housekeeping. Specifically, what my house looks like when guests come to visit. Without going into minute details, about 9 years ago someone told some really bad lies about my dirty, trashy house and my dirty, trashy children. Completely untrue. Insecure me flipped out and refused to let anyone come to my house unless it was spotless. I cried when I found out that my husband had let some scuzzy guy from work (who wouldn't know a clean house if it whacked him on the patootie) come in when I wasn't home, that's how bad it was. I'm better now, but I still hate clutter and make my kids clean up their toys about 5 times a day. I still rant around the house picking up the little tiny things they leave behind. But I don't mind visitors. Most of the time. If my house is messy, don't tell me. Thanks.

5. Crooked, wrinkly rugs. If someone messes up a rug in my house, I have to fix it. If I can't fix it I can't take my eyes off of it. Would it be rude to say "Excuse me, the rug is messy. Didn't you notice? Dumb ox." Would it? Let's all say a prayer of thanksgiving that I no longer have a house with wood floors and area rugs.

6. Reality TV. I admit it. I watch Survivor. And The Amazing Race. And The Apprentice. I watched Big Brother and Biggest Loser when they were on. Last night I watched Dancing With the Stars AND The Bachelor. The only ones I MUST watch are Survivor and Amazing Race. If I miss them, I call up my sister and beg her to tape them for me. I am so pathetic.

7. My camera. I like taking pictures, so sue me. So I researched and obsessed about it for weeks before and after I bought it. Big deal. By the way, my first photography class is next Wednesday. I can't wait.

8. Lists. I blame my mother for this one. It is totally and completely HER FAULT. Whenever I say "Darn it, I forgot my list." I want to rip my tongue out. IT IS HER FAULT. I make lists for everything. Grocery, chores, things I need to do, Tuesday Tens, the list (heh heh) goes on. Then I promptly loose them. One thing I will not do is make a list of chores and make my kids pick from the list. I hated that. Nothing like racing in the house after school to beat my sister to the job list.

9. Schedules. And being on time. Beware the wrath of Mom if anyone messes up my schedule or makes us late.

10. What other people think of me. I hate it, but I can't help it. I am shy and insecure and I worry about whether people like me. Not family members, by the way, you HAVE TO like me. It takes me forever to make blog entries because I worry about wording things properly and whether I sound smart. I am not good at writing so I go over it again and again and change things. I don't want people to think I am stupid. So why am I writing this? People will think I am stupid.

Bonus: Oh, goody. Look! I have another one!

11. Finishing the garage. My husband is not an obsessive person. Just the opposite. If he wasn't given a "gentle nudge" (by me) every so often (daily), he would do absolutely nothing. That's probably not quite true, but he certainly wouldn't do anything in the proper time frame. That is what it is all about. Proper timing. Or, get this, he would spend all of his free time doing inconsequential things. Anyhow, is it so bad that I want the 18 month old baby OUT OF MY ROOM? Is it so bad that I NEED a place for all these Legos? I don't think so.